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So you Want to Teach English in Japan?
| Hey, kids! Welcome to our web site all about riding the gravy train in Japan. What's that you say? I can make money just by existing, by simply showing up and speaking English?! Yep, you sure can! Our site is dedicated to all you carbon blobs out there. Learn how to tie a tie and nod your head thoughtfully and you're in!
Seriously though, before you go for that inexhaustible teat, you need to know a few things. What we are talking about here is the poop, the goods, the news, the rumors, the gossip, the truth and the utterly unsubstantiated tales of eikaiwa (English conversation to you newbies).
Why? As an English teacher, contrary to what you may believe or have been told, you are an entertainer and salesman. You are the official English-speaking person. You are the Norman Rockwell, rosy-cheeked, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, apple-pie eating, product of the suburbs— a pet gaijin to some Japanese.
You may think you are a shoe-in with your TESL or RSA certificate but the fact is you don't really need it (well, Immigration wants to see it so they can keep riff-raff out but that's another story). Any person who can speak English clearly and wear a suit properly can teach English in Japan. In fact, most Japanese figure that if you are a native speaker of English, you are qualified to teach.
We are not out to criticize English language learning; learning a second language is a noble and worthy pursuit. If anything, we wish there was a lot more communication between people all over the world. Our beef is with the large schools such as GEOS, AEON and NOVA where more entertaining than educating is going on. English is being taught professionally and being taught well in Japan. However, such institutions are few and far between; eikaiwa simply rules the landscape the way fast food rules North America. Keep this in mind as you read on: eikaiwa is a McJob.
Read our stuff. Learn. Laugh. Cry. Shout. Get angry. Agree with us. Curse us. Just promise to keep an open mind and respond.
Cheers,
Chris and Shawn |
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Posted by: barten on Friday, May 14, 2004 - 07:31 PM
Since coming to Japan I’ve found myself robed in all kinds of roles. People seem happier here if they know what role to assign you. The conversation can then continue on a predefined script. I’ve noticed Japanese people feeling out the other person’s status early on in the initial conversation. Once they find out, there is an “Ahhh! So you’re…” Suddenly things relax, people know what to call each other, and talk follows in torrents. In the early days, about the only role available to me was the zany gaijin. I didn’t choose this role; it descended on me out of a fortuitous sky. Without it, I wouldn’t have had any place in society. I didn’t know the language, and was always looked after by whatever Japanese spoke the most English or whatever foreigner spoke the most Japanese. Often, neither was very much. People wanted to touch my hair, stroke my nose, practice their English, buy me drinks, and laugh at my jokes. Or at least laugh. Maybe be it was at me. In any case, I messed up in such a way as to be entertaining.
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Posted by: Jazza on Saturday, May 08, 2004 - 02:05 AM
Vomiting Over a Guy in a Bar in Roppongi? Big fucking deal!" I hear your anguished cries resonate. Yeah, big fucking deal. But, what you guys dont know is that I'm back here in the beautiful Snowy Mountains of Australia. The Place where it all began. The winter wonderland where my Nokia 3210 with the silver cover took a call from the raspy-voices Masako Kuroda. And Angel of AEON. The Angel of Death!
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Posted by: Shawn on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 12:00 AM
WTF is with the "nande daroo dance", as if japanese people were bad enough dancers.
WTF is with old ladys clamoring on to their bags when they see you comming from behind (As opposed to the young ladies who clamor on to the bed)
WTF is with japanese locker rooms. Do they really have comb their hair naked? Not that I'm looking, but even my shlong is longer than my pubes! And at the onsen its worse, they look at you, and let me tell you boys, I AM GIVING YOU A BAAAAD REP!
WTF is with the scrubbing. I mean ,do you really need to scrup THAT hard and stuff a towel between your legs and just work it back and forth like a two-man saw for ten minutes?
Note: Originally posted on the message board on May 12, 2003.
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Posted by: Shawn on Thursday, March 18, 2004 - 08:57 PM
On another thread John Barleycorn made the following comment, which I think is worthy of an entirely different thread:
It is interesting to note that the employee is a 'Language Consultant.' Is this because calling the employee a teacher would conflict with Interac's articles of incorporation or force Interac to pay teachers high salaries? Anyway, it's interesting jargon.
Very interesting. it's also interesting that nova is similarly very anal about calling people "instructors" and not "teachers." Why? is there some sort of reason they go out of their way not to call people "teachers"? there has to be. Aeon and Geos drones, what does your contract call you? I'm not bitching, I'm really interested in this. I thought it was just nova that did this, but apparently not.
-fetusovereasy
Note: Posted on the message board on July 24, 2003.
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Posted by: manjumonster on Wednesday, January 21, 2004 - 06:29 PM
Four years back I was looking for a new apartment in Osaka and visited my local agency. The agent asked me where I wanted to live and how much I wanted to spend and then pulled out a catalogue of pictures and floor plans. I picked half a dozen locations that looked reasonable and showed this chap my selection. The next thing the agent did gave me a bit of a wake up call. He called the landlord for every location I'd selected and began to ask if they accepted foreigners. My pick of half a dozen suddenly became one and the agent went into a speech about why they don't accept foreigners. It turns out that we're all noisy, untrustworthy individuals who forget to pay our bills and can't keep our door mats clean.
Note: Taken from the Japan Topics--> Video Nasties thread on the message board.
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Posted by: BernardGoldberg on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 07:36 PM
Mogura asked the question:
Dude, if I were you, I would have come down with a "sudden case of the flu", and take her to the nearest love hotel for a spanking.
What happened with her? Please tell me you made a move...
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Posted by: beavereater on Saturday, December 27, 2003 - 12:00 AM
Putting Your Stick in My Honey Pot…
You would think that friends would stand next to you, help you and support you in creating a new school. They would be there to help out with lessons and handing out flyers...but what the hell do you do when they start giving students lessons of a different sort...I don't wanna come off sounding like a NOVA manager or anything like that..but what would you do!?
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Hondo
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