Hard Cash

In my first days at GEOS, I was center stage for the first few weeks. I was taken out on the town, shown the sites, showered with all sorts of small presents. The arrival of a new teacher is a big thing in a little town and people seemed to be genuinely happy to meet me; or were they were happy in the sense Gilligan was when he finally made it back to civilization?

I brought a fair chunk of cash with me in traveller's checks to tide me over since my first paycheck would be minuscule as I was arriving in the middle of the pay period.

First things first, I went with the manager to open a bank account. You'd think you' just strut in and sign your traveller's checks,right? I went upstairs to the foreign currency desk and asked to cash in my checks. I didn't think much of it since they were denominated in yen anyway.

"Please sign here," the clerk said. I did.
She picked up the check and brought it up to her face to examine it, her eyes glancing up and down.
"Aw no..."I huffed.
"Please sign again." So I did.
She called her boss over to confer.
"What? I don't know how to sign my own name?" I thought. I went through the motions like a golfer practicing his swing just to make sure. I check the nib on the pen and shook the pen. This time the clerk's supervisor asked me to sign. Swoosh. With style.
"Once more please"
"Jesus Christ!" I muttered under my breath. What's it gonna take? Now there were 4 people at the counter wondering what was going on with me. I could feel the eyes on me: What? The gaijin is still here? A disturbance in the Force! There must be trouble.

I took my time. I envisioned the stokes, the big S, the slashing T.
"OK. Next one, please."
"You gotta be kidding me!" I then signed 200 thousand yen's worth of traveller's checks three times each with each member of the gaggle around me checking that the signatures matched. I made sure to glare at the manager as I handed over each check. My assumption that Japan was some kind of cutting edge, Blade Runner high-tech nation had just gone down the toilet. It took five people to watch me sign traveller's checks??

I blew much of that money, of course, on a TV and stereo. I felt I had earned it after the bank debacle. I had shot my budget to pieces and I was reduced to living on Cup Noodle and Pocky handouts from adoring high school girls.

As luck would have it, a card from my grandmother arrived in the mail and in it was a money order for $50. My birthday was approaching and she wanted me to go and have some fun. Bless her soul.
Fifty bucks! I might be able to buy meat! To the bank I went.
"I'd like to cash this money order, please," I said, confident I could pass the signature test this time.
"Do you have an account here?"
"Yes," I replied handing over my passbook.
The clerk's brow furled. "There's no hanko."
"They let me use my signature when I opened the account."
She motioned to me to wait and went off to confer with her boss. I sat down and waited.
20 minutes. 30 minutes.
What the hell were they doing? Calling Canada to verify the money order's authenticity? All this for 50 bucks?
"Shane...Shoon...Joan-san?" she called.
" It's Shawn. You know...Sean Connery?" I am cursed, by the way, with having to use "Sean Connery"; it's the only way they can understand my name.
"Ahhhhhh... Yes yes yes yes."
She explained what they had done and I stood there nodding my head like an idiot. She then carefully placed my money in a padded tray - seven...hundred...yen? That's it?

I looked at her incredulously and she showed me the transaction receipt with the exchange rate, verification fee and service charge. I looked up to the sky, circus music playing in my head, and laughed. I just got robbed by a bank!