The Unbearable Lightness of Being Scott W.

In January of 2000, a contributing writer to the site wrote an article that would launch a personality to the forefront of the eikaiwa debate in this country. This man brought to light a question that at once crystallizes and clarifies the entire English Conversation industry dichotomy. The question: "Like, is eikaiwa a chill way to make a few bones and go on with your life or is it, like, some kind of job (career), man?"

The resulting brouhaha divided family and friends. Colleagues were pitted against each other. Normally placid barflies leapt at each other's throats. Lunchrooms became divided, and there was a tremendous gnashing of teeth.

"Are you here for fun or professional development?" became the first question asked by potential employers to potential employees.

The man who ignited this debate went on to become a legendary poster of messages of the old Let's Japan message board. Hailed as a hero by some and scorned as a carpetbagger by others, there is no doubt he occupies a position in the pantheon of All-Time Eikaiwa Greats. That man, that icon, or idiot, is Scott W.

I first met Scott in February of 1999 at Kirin City in Kawasaki station. He was lucid although a bit distracted. He has the habit of staring at your forehead as he listens to you. At times he was quite intense but he would always slip back into his Spiccoli-like personality. He was determined to let everyone know that you could be a great eikaiwa teacher and still, "chill".

I met him again in June of 2000 at Dubliners in Shinjuku. We spoke for a while with the intention of creating an article for the site. The article never materialized because most of the conversation was spent by Scott saying nasty things about his archrival, the Ugly American, Mark Ginther.

Scott returned to the United States in August of 2000.

Since then, he has been employed at a surf shop in his beloved So-Cal. He does e-mail me from time to time and I've managed to put together an article that might satisfy his legion of fans still here in Japan and even around the world.

Here then, is Scott W. in all his unwashed glory.

Let's Japan: So, Scott, have you read the article by the Ugly American?
Scott W.: Yeah.
LJ: Care to comment?
SW: Well it's obvious the guy just doesn't get it. He's like calling me names and whatever, and he hadn't ever met me even. He really has a lot of problems.
LJ: Have you met him?

SW: Yeah I met him by accident on the dance floor at Castillo. He was dancing aggressively and it was really turning off a lot people and souring the mood.
LJ: Can you explain that?
SW: He was like, trying to dance with chicks who didn't wanna dance with him. Like, he was sliding in between a dancing couple with his back to the dude and just forcing his way in. Totally uncool, man.
LJ: I'm having a hard time believing that.
SW: I didn't know it was him at the time, I just kinda danced over towards him and told him to "Mellow, man, it'll come if it's yours." I'm not sure he heard me or not but he stopped dancing and just went over to the bar and drank beer for awhile. I felt bad for him so I went over to talk. You know, just being friendly. That's when I realized it was him. He's got so many issues. Angry, angry guy. Anyways, I chilled him out and tried connecting him with a waitress.
LJ: What a nice guy.
SW: I think he was improved by our meeting. That's all I ever try to do, man, improve things that I find.

LJ: Could you improve NOVA while you worked there?
SW: You know, I tried, man, but some things just take a lot of time.
LJ: Tell me how you tried to improve NOVA.
SW: There were a lot of communication problems when I arrived at my main branch. Managers weren't talking to teachers and teachers weren't trying to talk to them, either. I bridged the gap. I tried to get everyone on the same page. Look, work is exactly that: work. Nobody likes work. But without work there would be no fun.
LJ: You mean work is a means to finance your fun.
SW: Yeah, you can look at it that way, too. But Chris I want you to look at it in a more profound light. How do we as humans see the world?
LJ: Oh, shit, where are you going with this?
SW: Just go along with me for a while, I'll show you something you've never seen before. If you see a beautiful woman at a club, what do you think? She's beautiful, right?
LJ: Ummm...yeah...
SW: So if she's beautiful, then there's gotta be ugliness, too, right?
LJ:...
SW: The two create each other, man. For beauty to exist there must be ugliness.
And on that same wavelength, work exists because there's, like, fun. Fun exists because there's work. The two are just creations of our minds. If we all learn to deal with these creations of our minds (Scott concentrates on his hand for a moment) Things would be so much smoother if we didn't create opposites
LJ: Shit, Scott, that's deep.
SW: (laughing) Yeah I thought you'd fall back on some kind of crutch. Doubt and sarcasm are very handy crutches. You should spend a little time with me and I'll help you throw those crutches away and dance like a mad man.

LJ: Speaking of crutches, how much does a gram of hash go for these days in Tokyo?
SW: (laughing) Whatever it takes, man, whatever it takes. Grass isn't a crutch, either, guy. It's a passport. Are you going to post this on the site?
LJ: Maybe.
SW: Can you put in an ad for a couple of great head shops in Tokyo, for me?
LJ: No.
SW: Aw c'mon, dude. I wanna say thanks to Hiro, Chie, and Taka at Head Shop Booty in Shibuya for all the good times and help.

LJ: So Scott, did you become a better teacher after your time at NOVA?
SW: I always was a good teacher, NOVA didn't improve me or anything. I was born a great teacher. There are some tight asses working at NOVA who are all, like, we're pro's, man. We're gonna be doctors of language and shit like that. Whatever, dude, whatever.
LJ: Don't you think it's a good idea to try to improve yourself?
SW: Ummm. Yeah, (looks bored) That's cool. Hey you know, some guy's been like imitating me.
LJ: You mean the guy calling himself "Scott W." and "Scott Wozniak" on the eltnews message boards?
SW: Yeah! That guy!
LJ: Does it bother you?
SW: No, not really, just as long as he keeps it real. I think he should pay me some kind of fee, man. Some kind of license fee. He's making me more famous.
LJ: He is?
SW: Yeah, I'm bigger than Mahir Cagri. I'm like the biggest personality on the net, man.

LJ: Do you have a song?
SW: One of the guys I used to work with at NOVA, he's a German guy or something, he said he's working on a song about me and everything. He's composing it on a synthesizer. I'm hoping it gets played in some German clubs and becomes a big hit on the club scene. Then it'll go mainstream. But by the time it goes mainstream it won't be hot anymore with the hep crowd. I'll be onto the next thing. Squares'll have to try to catch up with the latest incarnation, man.
LJ: Wow. Everything is all figured out.
SW: Yeah, the tune'll be totally fucking cool, man... (stares off into distance)
LJ: "Squares", huh? That doesn't sound very welcoming or open-minded. It sounds like you've got issues to deal with, too.
SW: We all do. Some of us are just further along the way, man.

LJ: Do you think I'm a square?
SW: You're one of the biggest squares I've ever met in my life, man. But that's OK, (laughing), you do what you have to do. Some birds need cages to see the sky, man. You'll get here, some day, dude.
LJ: Thanks for having faith in me, Scott. It means a lot.
SW: (half listening) No prob, man, no prob.
LJ: Any particularly good memories of Japan?
SW: Being in a Poccari Sweat commercial was cool. (In the summer of 1998, Scott appeared in the background of a Poccari Sweat television commercial. He was one of the guys, out of focus, carrying surfboards on the beach)
The clubs were a lot of fun, too. The club kids there in Tokyo really need to loosen up sometimes. They get a little spoiled with some tune and they play the hell out of it and ska-bam! It gets old. The club kids should let the DJ's lay it down how it should be and concentrate their energies on the motion.
LJ: Any bad memories?
SW: I don't keep them, man. They're dropped the minute after they happen.
LJ: Would you do it again? Would you come to Japan again?
SW: Totally, man, totally. I'd go to Japan for the cash, the babes, the energy, and where else could I get these bitchin' tattoos of kanji stuff?
LJ: China?
SW: Exactly, man, exactly.