Paper Cup

Near the end of my third and final year with GEOS, I became the "Senior Teacher" at the school. This didn't mean that I was some hyper energetic company cheerleader, it merely meant that I had been at the school the longest. Talk about a glutton for punishment, huh?

As I was the senior teacher I had to go to meetings in Tokyo. The meetings were held in a conference room at the head office with all the other so-called senior teachers. What a cheerless sight we were. The previous meeting had been about how our salaries were reduced due to "bad economic times" and that some day in the future we would all be reimbursed. That drew hoots and guffaws from us. One particular meeting I'll never forget. We were called in to listen to some BS about redoubling our efforts to sell some stupid pronunciation video to our students. "Yeah this is just what Hiromi needs to put her into English high gear: some dick head in a bad suit leaning towards a handycam saying 'She sells sea-shells down by the sea-shore' again and again." I thought. The video tape was hugely over priced and sat in most schools like a statue sans the pigeon shit. Come to think of it, most of us would have gleefully chased pigeons around trying to collect the finishing touch if we had the chance. It was truly a monument to "Another Wonderful Way For You To Waste Your Money" At the meeting we were berated for not pushing the tape hard enough.

At the end of the formal haranguing the "Teacher Trainer", Sid Drygass, asked us if we had any questions or suggestions. Some girl shot her hand up and suggested we should all make lesson plans incorporating the sale of the video tape. "Maybe something like a lesson about superlatives? "Coming to GEOS is GOOD, renewing your contract with GEOS every time is BETTER, and buying this pronunciation video tape after renewing many times with GEOS is BEST!" There was a silent groan in the room as some teachers rubbed their faces and looked down at the floor. "Great idea, Shelley!" said Sid. "Draw up a lesson plan and fax it to me." "Fuckin' newby." Someone near me whispered.
"Any other ideas or suggestions?" asked Sid. "Uh...yeah. I've got a question." Someone from the back of the room said.

I heard a lot of hushed voices at the back of the room as this guy stood up to speak. Apparently he was some kind of firebrand within the company. He had been known to do such rebellious things as speak his mind and deliberately do paper work the wrong way. I had never heard of him myself probably because I was out in the boondocks of Japan far away from any gaijin social life.

"What if I don't think a lesson plan is appropriate for my class? Do I still have to do it?" he asked.
"Of course you do. And being the clever guy that you are, you'll figure out some way to make it appropriate for your classes." responded Sid.
"Sid, my classes aren't the same as somebody else's in Tokyo."
"Let me explain something to all of you here. What we are trying to do at GEOS is create a uniformity to our product, like McDonald's. You can go into any McDonald's anywhere in the world and order a Big Mac with fries and get the same product you would get right down the street here. That's what people want. People want to know what they are getting. We want our English lessons to be uniform in their good quality. Come to GEOS in Ginza and get the same product you would get in GEOS Hakodate: A cheerful, energetic teacher in bright surroundings with a class of bright eyed, happy students. Happy because they are getting a fun and informative product."

"Oh my God." I thought. The guy has been totally brainwashed. He's a True Believer. I wonder if he would drive a car loaded with explosives into an AEON stronghold and blow himself up to become a GEOS martyr?

"Think of what we are doing," Sid continued, "as making and selling these paper cups." He picked a paper cup up off the table near him. He held the cup up for all of us to behold. We knew it was indeed a paper cup.

"This cup is the same as the next cup. They both fulfill a purpose. They are the same." he beamed at his own genius.
"I'm feeling sick..." someone groaned silently near me.

"Sid. We are not making or selling paper cups." The guy said. "We are dealing with people. People are very different from each other. You can't tell me that a bunch of high school students in Shibuya (glamour town) want the same thing as a bunch of housewives in Fujisawa (rice fields, outdoor plumbing)."

"Your name is Tom, isn't it?" Sid asked. "You work in the Fujisawa school, right? O.K., I'll talk to you about this later." Sid's voice sounded kind of ominous. "Does anyone else have a question or idea?" We sat quietly. "O.K., everyone return to your schools and spread the gospel."

I returned to my school and told the other gaijin teachers about the guy with the big brass balls who took apart Sid's "Paper Cup" theory. I don't know what happened to that guy. Never heard of him again. Probably rolled up in a carpet and trucked away to the airport in the middle of the night.

*NOTE* In the story I make little asides to Shibuya and Fujisawa for the benefit of anyone who hasn't been to Japan. I called Shibuya "Glamour Town" and refer to Fujisawa as having "rice fields and outdoor plumbing". These descriptions are merely to try to highlight the vast differences between these two places. Personally, I don't think Shibuya is a glamourous place at all. That's just the reputation it has with certain people. Fujisawa isn't a place famous for rice fields and it certainly has indoor plumbing. If I were given the choice of living in one of the two places, I would chose Fujisawa hands down.

*ANOTHER NOTE* The character "Tom" in the story wasn't actually from Fujisawa. He DID work in a smaller town in Japan, I've changed his name and location to protect the innocent. He wasn't rolled up in a carpet, either. I think it was his futon.