Ask Ralph Ver 2.0

For topics not directly related to eikaiwa.
Forum rules
The basic forum rules are here :wink: . Refer to the BBCode Guide for information on using BBCode tags, plus this post about additional tags for embedding video.
valve-bouncer

Ask Ralph Ver 2.0

Unread post by valve-bouncer » Sat Jan 15, 2005 9:36 pm

Just so the poor Pommy cunt can get some meaning back to his otherwise miserable existence. :wink: :lol:
Question- Why does my missus cook stuff I don't like? Is she fucken dense? Chanko fucken nabe gargle my left nurrie.

User avatar
Sam
Frustrated Realist
Frustrated Realist
Posts: 129
Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2004 4:34 pm

Unread post by Sam » Sat Jan 15, 2005 10:25 pm

Don't you want to get big & strong like a sumo wrestler? :P :P :P
War president? My Pet Goat.

User avatar
RalphWiggum
LJ Oracle
LJ Oracle
Posts: 1412
Joined: Fri Aug 08, 2003 5:52 pm
Location: Sunny England

Unread post by RalphWiggum » Sun Jan 16, 2005 12:37 am

1) She hates you. She's just using you for your paltry earning capability. Once she's drained you like a spider drains a fly she'll discard you and move onto the next poor sap. Chin up though, she could be cooking up fish spunk or grasshoppers or some other shit like that.

2) I'm not interested in being a sumo wrestler. What kind of question is that on my first day back on duty? Do you want to be a kabbaddi player? No, I fucking thought not.

3) Now here's the one question that's confounded me since my early twenties. The cruelty of mother nature, my deficient genes, being a cunt in a former life (not that I could much more of a cunt than I am in THIS life)... I don't know. If I did, I wouldn't be a hairy arsed baldy bastard.

Gambatte.

User avatar
Sam
Frustrated Realist
Frustrated Realist
Posts: 129
Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2004 4:34 pm

Unread post by Sam » Sun Jan 16, 2005 12:25 pm

RalphWiggum wrote:2) I'm not interested in being a sumo wrestler. What kind of question is that on my first day back on duty? Do you want to be a kabbaddi player? No, I fucking thought not.



Sorry to waste the oracle's time but that question was meant for VB. He's complaining about a golden opportunity.
War president? My Pet Goat.

User avatar
RalphWiggum
LJ Oracle
LJ Oracle
Posts: 1412
Joined: Fri Aug 08, 2003 5:52 pm
Location: Sunny England

Unread post by RalphWiggum » Thu Jan 20, 2005 2:42 am

There's no dash in hardcore.

I'm not in a band anymore anyway.

I also sound like an effeminate cat being bummed when I sing.

Not good, really.

User avatar
sos
Siren of Sensuality
Posts: 1864
Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2003 7:43 pm

Unread post by sos » Thu Jan 20, 2005 3:01 pm

Is keeping sex from the boyfriend a good punishment? Just checking in case I have to use it!

User avatar
Smurfette
LJ Queen
LJ Queen
Posts: 310
Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2003 10:16 pm
Location: Northern Virginia

Unread post by Smurfette » Thu Jan 20, 2005 4:14 pm

sos wrote:Is keeping sex from the boyfriend a good punishment? Just checking in case I have to use it!

One of the first things they tell you when you start teaching kids is not to make a child's punishment your punishment. I think this principle applies here as well. Don't punish yourself if you're mad at him. Keep getting your sex and just put too much salt in the food or something :twisted:

monkeypants

Unread post by monkeypants » Fri Jan 21, 2005 4:32 am

What is it about those Japanese men who sit next to me on trains/subways, picking their nose and flicking the little balled boogers on the floor? How is it they can do it so blatantly in front of everyone, as if we are not there?

User avatar
Mogura
Porn Lord
Porn Lord
Posts: 3096
Joined: Tue Aug 05, 2003 8:39 pm
Location: The Love Hotel
Contact:

Unread post by Mogura » Fri Jan 21, 2005 7:06 pm

Dear Ralphie,

When a "friend" spends the night in my love shack, sometimes there are "remants" (long, black hairs usually--no stains though, I have vinyl sheets) of previous "friends" that have stayed the night. Much to my chagrin and dismay, the washing machine/dryer doesn't do the job it is supposed to.

For future reference (and future discoveries), what would be a plausible explanation that I could give to the friend du jour, so that I can preserve the "wa" (harmony) of the evening?

Love, Mog

User avatar
T.D.
Eikaiwa Hero
Eikaiwa Hero
Posts: 660
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 2:42 am
Location: Atlanta, GA

Unread post by T.D. » Sun Jan 23, 2005 11:36 am

Mog, sounds like you got the mojo back lately! congrats!

User avatar
Jesskun
Fresh & Minty
Fresh & Minty
Posts: 44
Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2003 11:47 pm
Location: No.

Unread post by Jesskun » Tue Jan 25, 2005 10:40 pm

Insulation is a great invention. Why doesn't my apartment have it?

User avatar
ex_drone
Jaded Veteran
Jaded Veteran
Posts: 242
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 3:13 pm
Location: above you

Unread post by ex_drone » Tue Jan 25, 2005 11:54 pm

Smurfette wrote:
sos wrote:One of the first things they tell you when you start teaching kids is not to make a child's punishment your punishment.


I think Ralph needs a childs punishment.

A good bare ass paddling maybe. That ought to put the little cunt in his place.

User avatar
RalphWiggum
LJ Oracle
LJ Oracle
Posts: 1412
Joined: Fri Aug 08, 2003 5:52 pm
Location: Sunny England

Unread post by RalphWiggum » Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:07 am

ex_drone wrote:Hi! I'm a middle aged spastic. My wife hates me, and who wouldn't? I'm a fat, semi-crippled New Zealander with little sexual charisma. I used to drive tow trucks. It was too difficult so I came to Japan. Then I decided to drink drive and the police slapped me around a bit. I was lucky not to get much worse given my history of paedophilia. Now I post utter nonsense on internet message boards intended for people much younger than me about how my life is far superior to theirs, in spite of the fact that I know it's blatantly untrue.


I knew it couldn't resist for long.

It stops being a prick on this message board or else it gets the hose again...

User avatar
ex_drone
Jaded Veteran
Jaded Veteran
Posts: 242
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 3:13 pm
Location: above you

Unread post by ex_drone » Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:25 am

RalphWiggum wrote:
It stops being a prick on this message board or else it gets the hose again...


Fuck you you're the only prick here and I'm gonna track you down and rip your head off . ASSHOLE

Better watch your back Ralph , Duikat your time is just about up.

User avatar
RalphWiggum
LJ Oracle
LJ Oracle
Posts: 1412
Joined: Fri Aug 08, 2003 5:52 pm
Location: Sunny England

Unread post by RalphWiggum » Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:29 am

:rotfl:

It bites as easily as it did before.

It couldn't track down its own cock under that mountain of blubber, let alone run fast enough to catch anything with only one ankle.

It must try harder next time, or it will be owned again.

User avatar
ex_drone
Jaded Veteran
Jaded Veteran
Posts: 242
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 3:13 pm
Location: above you

Unread post by ex_drone » Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:36 am

RalphWiggum wrote::rotfl:

It bites as easily as it did before.

It couldn't track down its own cock under that mountain of blubber, let alone run fast enough to catch anything with only one ankle.

It must try harder next time, or it will be owned again.


Yeah fack you you pommie cunt you and the rest of your has been country.

You would run too, cowards always do.

Fack off back to England you prick

User avatar
RalphWiggum
LJ Oracle
LJ Oracle
Posts: 1412
Joined: Fri Aug 08, 2003 5:52 pm
Location: Sunny England

Unread post by RalphWiggum » Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:58 am

Duikat's not me, darling. With the incredible hacking "skills" you've boasted about on Big Daikon and Idiots you should be able to work that out.

Or maybe you're full of shit.

And with your weight problem and gammy ankle I'd put my money on myself. But then, I wouldn't want a run in with the Japanese police. I heard they can be SO unfair.

Isn't that right?

User avatar
ex_drone
Jaded Veteran
Jaded Veteran
Posts: 242
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 3:13 pm
Location: above you

Unread post by ex_drone » Wed Jan 26, 2005 2:50 am

RalphWiggum wrote:Duikat's not me, darling.

And with your weight problem and gammy ankle I'd put my money on myself. But then, I wouldn't want a run in with the Japanese police. I heard they can be SO unfair.

Isn't that right?


I'd squash you like the gay little fag ant that you are .

Fuckin fags . Bad ankle or not I'd still pound your face into the pavement.

It would be fun. I'd love to do it.

Oh and don't call me darlin I HATE FAGS !!

User avatar
ex_drone
Jaded Veteran
Jaded Veteran
Posts: 242
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 3:13 pm
Location: above you

Unread post by ex_drone » Wed Jan 26, 2005 2:54 am

A question for ralph ?

What's it like being a FAG ?

Me I'm proud to be anti gay ( Homophobic ) to you PC DOLTS !!

User avatar
MacGyver
Shockproof shit detector
Shockproof shit detector
Posts: 4805
Joined: Fri Aug 08, 2003 12:22 pm
Location: In the Stargate

Unread post by MacGyver » Wed Jan 26, 2005 12:25 pm

Drone is tough on an internet message board!!! Buwahahaha :rotfl:

I can just imagine him mashing his keyboard as he types frothing at the mouth. This guy reminds me of drone. Perhaps it IS drone:

http://www.pwned.nl/
"Yous guys talk a lotta shit. I'm much more smarter than all a yous." - Samurai Jerk after being owned by the Let's Japan crew.

User avatar
JP_Jones
Photoshop King
Photoshop King
Posts: 61
Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2003 8:33 pm
Location: 東京

Unread post by JP_Jones » Thu Jan 27, 2005 1:56 am

Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


EX_Drone,

some things never change!

you got owned yet again you miserable liitle troll!

User avatar
ex_drone
Jaded Veteran
Jaded Veteran
Posts: 242
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 3:13 pm
Location: above you

Unread post by ex_drone » Thu Jan 27, 2005 10:43 am

JP_Jones wrote:EX_Drone,

some things never change!

you got owned yet again you miserable liitle troll!


Up yours you miserable pom

As for troll pot kettle black

User avatar
ex_drone
Jaded Veteran
Jaded Veteran
Posts: 242
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 3:13 pm
Location: above you

Unread post by ex_drone » Thu Jan 27, 2005 9:13 pm

Ralph, answer the question !! Are you a dirty ass bandit ?

Guest

Unread post by Guest » Thu Jan 27, 2005 9:29 pm

ex_drone wrote:Ralph, answer the question !! Are you a dirty ass bandit ?

Image

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests